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Seeing what happened to Tyler was a wake-up call. I knew I was headed down the same path. So, I got help. One day, I was hanging out with a close friend who was a strong believer. Out of nowhere, I told him everything. My voice shaking, I confessed that if I could look at pornography for free, knowing I wouldn’t be found out or feel guilty, I would. I asked him for help. We prayed together.
And then—to my surprise—my friend told me he had the same problem. Turns out most of my friends did. We went to an older Christian in our church and asked him to meet with us every week and help us. This man had no great wisdom we lacked, no secret to fighting the drawing power of naked women. But what he did was listen, give us wise advice and pray. He became a caring mentor to all of us. The first thing he showed us was that we weren’t the only ones with these problems. We weren’t freaks. We weren’t alone anymore.
As I met with my new accountability group, I saw my life had to change. And a lot of those changes and lessons still apply to my life today. Lesson one: run away. “Flee!” our mentor often said. “Alcoholics shouldn’t live across the street from a liquor store.” To me, that means I can’t walk alone into the magazine section of a store. Or use a computer alone without internet filters.
I have to limit the opportunities for temptation. I have to put space between me and porn. I can’t have some catalogs in my house. I don’t let myself watch TV alone. Even with filters on my internet service, I don’t go online if no one else is home. These restrictions annoy me sometimes. But they help me flee.
The second thing I learned was to ask myself the question: How can I increase my desire for God and smother my desire to lust? Someone once told me that there are two dogs in my heart’s backyard. One dog always craves pleasure, sin and selfishness. The other dog craves justice, mercy, peace and obedience to God. When I wake up every day, I choose which dog gets fed. The one I feed grows until the other dog can’t even be seen.
I need to feed the right dog. I do that by having honest relationships with Christian guys. I have one friend in particular I check in with daily. We talk honestly about sex and sin and the junk that tempts us. Together we figure out how to be better men. We gripe. We pray. We confess. We teach.
I also feed the right dog by reading the Bible and studying it with other people. And I don’t just read it, but I write down what I’ve learned and what I’ll do or think differently because of it. I spend time in silence asking God to speak to me. I pray, worship, serve other people.
On most days, the good dog outweighs the bad one. That mongrel is so scrawny now that I hardly notice him. But he surprises me every once in a while. Out of nowhere he’ll bark at me, and I’ll find myself pulled in the wrong direction. He’s the loudest when I’m not careful about avoiding temptation. So I flee. I get up and leave.
And I pray: “God, help me do what’s right today. And help Tyler, too. Save us both from pornography and make us closer to perfect. Make us love you more than ourselves and surround us with people who remind us that you love us even when we mess up. Surround us with friends and a church that feed the holy side of us and teach us how to starve the addicted side of us. Kill the bad dog. Feed the good one. Amen.” – Shaun Groves – Culled from Christianity
